In a Holding Pattern

I feel like an airplane pilot, denied permission to land after a long flight. Being forced to circle the airport endlessly, not knowing when I might be allowed to complete my flight and come to a rolling stop.

I find I suddenly want the flight to be over. I want off this dang plane. I want so badly to get on with my life. But here I hover – my life loosely and carelessly held in the haphazard grip of “government”.

I was actually becoming comfortable with hunker down, shelter in place or whatever it’s being called today – it was nothing new anymore, and while it was bad enough when there was really no end to the pandemic in sight, at least I knew what to do. Knit, spin, write, play with dachshunds, repeat.

My “job” was to do nothing to make more work for our hospitals and frontline healthcare personnel. I’d stay home. My safety was in my own hands.

But last week, my bubble of relative tranquility popped. Now there is a faint light at the edges of the bog I’m mired in and it makes me want to climb the walls.

Is it true? First reports of vaccine eligibility in Alaska seemed reasonable; first, in early January would be frontline healthcare workers and nursing home residents and staff.

Then, in a couple of weeks, seniors age 75 and over and those 65 and over with serious health issues, plus essential workers (fire, police, EMTS).

After that, all 65+ over and any age with high-risk health issues would be next, along with community essential workers (teachers, grocery store workers, postal workers, etc.).

They had special programs lined up for our rural native villages far from health services, which I fully approved. The military, of course, has a totally separate vaccine program.

I was ready to wait my turn, and with appointment in hand, will offer my arm up for poking when my age group is contacted. All very organized.

Imagine my surprise when Channel 2 News announced, days ago, that Alaska’s vaccination schedule was now open for reservations for “everyone 65 and over as well as any age with other health issues” … all 90,000+ plus of us, all fighting for spots in line. There are NOT that many vaccines. I expect chaos.

Dang, it could have gone so smoothly, but someone got greedy. Someone with power and money tossed around enough of both to turn a well-planned vaccine roll-out into a probable cluster-fisk.

I don’t intend to stand in 10-hour lines or miles long vehicle lines. I’m unsure what to expect.

I’d love to see Jerry vaccinated ASAP, as he’s not only a senior, but obese, diabetic and has hypertension and a TBI. But we don’t want to find out we took vaccines away from some nurse or respiratory therapist or COVID ward clerk or attendant.

Then again, according to the news (??), a lot of healthcare people are declining the vaccine. Not very helpful, IMO, since they will need ongoing testing and be an ongoing drain on the healthcare system whether they get sick or just test positive and need to stay home. They will also be a source of possible transmission, and well … it just adds fuel to those who are already in doubt.

So, I hover in my curious, self imposed holding pattern. Unsure of my surroundings or my future. Waiting for clarity I can hang my future on.

Are they really vaccinating anyone 65+ starting on January 11th? Or is this more fake or maybe just partially correct news again? Will there be an “update” again tomorrow? Another delay?

Can I count on getting the follow-up vaccine in a timely manner? This also now seems up in the air, in spite of pretty clear indications that the timing of the second shot is important for best efficacy.

I honestly haven’t felt this uneasy and conflicted since early on in the pandemic.

Should I make appointments? Should I wait? Who should I listen to? I’d like to know more before I line my little virtual airplane up with the vaccine runway , dip my nose, adjust my flaps and commit to landing.

But first, I must apologize …

I have always had an upbeat, enthusiastic “Starting out the new year” blog in my head, ready to bubble out with the firecrackers and champagne.

This isn’t it. 😖 I’m hoping everything will settle down soon and I can relax and, setting all else aside, create the fun and magic I usually feel as we leave the old year behind and look, with brave or maybe tremulous hearts and minds – towards the new and untried 2021.

I have no expectations. But I have hopes.